Not Like the Movies
by CrazedHumor
Summary: I slid the ring on her finger, expecting something. Anything to fill the hole that I hadn't noticed had been gaping until it was too late. But it didn't fit. It had nothing to do with the size. It just didn't feel like how it was suppose to.Niff/AU/Adults
1. Part One

Author: CrazedHumor

Rated: T (for swearing)

Summary: I put it on her finger, expecting something...but it didn't fit...it had nothing to do with the size...It just didn't feel like how it was suppose to. It didn't feel like it looked like it did in the movies. This wasn't right. _Niff _

Note: Part Two is already written… Just remember that this _is_ a Niff story. The next chapter is… well, you'll have to see for yourself. Based off of Katy Perry's, _Not like the Movies_.

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><p><strong>Not Like the Movies<strong>

_**Part One**_

We had been going out for a year and a half when it happened. When my world came crashing down in our small apartment in the middle of the city. The remote hanging loosely in my hands as the images flashed on the screen before me in an array of taunting knowledge… I had been so _stupid_ not to notice…

I met her at Blaine and Kurt's wedding reception.

I had been standing off to the side with the rest of the former Warbler members, catching up on everything we had missed out on in our years apart. I remember laughing when Wes brought up a prank I had been a part of, nearly choking on my glass of wine and spitting it everywhere until a hand came up to pat my back in comfort and a laugh I knew all too well rang around me.

"Take it easy there, man. There's enough for us to drink _all_ night."

I nodded and smirked as I wiped off what had escaped from my mouth and had landed on my chin and suit. "You know I just love the attention."

Jeff shook his head at me and before he could retort, I felt a tug on the sleeve of my arm.

"Hello...Nick, is it?"

I turned at smiled in courtesy, "Yeah, I'm Nick."

She smiled, letting it reach her eyes. "I'm Rachel." Her hands met behind her back and she rocked a little on her toes. "I was talking to Blaine and Kurt about you..." She nodded over in their direction where they stood smiling and dancing to a more upbeat song. Blaine's limbs were everywhere and Kurt was doing his best to not fall over in laughter.

She blinked up at me through her silky bands that hung just above her lashes. "I was...I was wondering of you'd like to dance?"

I smiled and shook my head in giddiness. "Sure." _Of course they would try and play matchmaker._ I remembered thinking through the tingling sensation and lightheadedness.

At the time I didn't think anything was going to come from it. I thought a harmless little dance was going to be nothing but that. We'd make pleasantries and introduce ourselves and make small talk.

I had handed my drink to Jeff absently and turned from the rest of the guys as I let this petite girl lead me to the dance floor.

This was only a few weeks after I had been dating Anna. We had been going out for nearly two years. I thought that she was my everything. She was beautiful, there was no doubting that. Everywhere we went I noticed the way that the guys around us kept her in the corner of their eyes. Girls seemed to notice too, giving her glances up and down and gushing about her looks, whether in positivism or jealousy.

Our entire relationship was… strained. I was competing with nearly every male specimen around us. I felt insecure most of the time. Why would someone like her want to be with someone like me anyway? Not to mention that she _hated_ my relationship with Jeff. She had since the very beginning when she had met us in our theater class in college.

We had been friends, Jeff and I, for over seven years at the point when I met Anna. Nine years when we broke up.

Junior high had almost been a bust. I had strolled in the door thinking about how easy it was going to be, being a big shot in my elementary school and instead I had been knocked on my ass and overwhelmed by the change. However, as I took my seat near the back of the room, I instantly found myself becoming friends with someone one morning in class when I pulled out my Wolverine folder and eyed the blonde haired lanky kind's own. We got into a heated debate over who would win in an epic battle of Batman verses Spiderman. From that point on we did nearly everything together. We got each other through the good and the bad, nearly living at each other's homes so as not to deal with the difficulty of our parent's. Mine ended up divorcing in our eighth year and Jeff's father passed away in our ninth. We clung to each other like static. Not many people understood our awkward geekiness or closeness, like spending the night at each other's house on a regular basis or sharing the same bed. We were overenthusiastic about comic books and RPG's on the Xbox and instead of playing football with the rest of the guys at lunch, we headed to the band room so I could practice the drums and Jeff could work on the guitar.

We stayed this way for years. In middle school we had decided that with everything that was happening at home, we had to talk to our parents. We needed… something. Anything to spread out and become ourselves and just _be kids_. Which was how we came across Dalton, the boarding school that opened up opportunities for us not only as students, but as friends. From the beginning we roomed together. They had tried to split us up the first week of our first year and that had been futile. We were hardly able to sleep in separate rooms and eventually they ended up having to cave and let us become roommates once more. In our junior year we decided on going to college together. We applied to five schools, spread across the country, all for different reasons and when we were both accepted to UCLA, we were thrilled. It seemed that even college wasn't going to be able to split us up. Best bros forever. We spent the first two years in the dorms and then later we rented an apartment close to campus.

In our sophomore year I met Anna. I tried to balance things out between school, Jeff, Anna, and the rest of the friends we had made over the years, but it became difficult. Slowly, Anna started to demand more time with me, which led to cutting time with Jeff because I couldn't afforded to slack off in school.

More than once I had to tell Anna that I had already had plans, even though it wasn't true, and instead of going out for a night on the town, I'd surprise Jeff by showing up to our apartment with a bag of takeout and a few new releases to watch for the night. I can still remember the feeling Jeff would give me whenever I told him I didn't have plans with anyone else. His face would light up and I just...

Anna eventually made me choose. I chose my best friend.

Apparently, Kurt and Blaine saw it fit to introduce me to Rachel, a former choir member of Kurt's and a mutual friend of theirs. They had kept in touch over the years, she told me. All three of them had lived here in New York, apartments only blocks apart, and every now and then they would run into each other at auditions and a local coffee shop. She told me what she was still working to become and all her dreams that she had been trying to achieve since elementary school.

She had stopped our dancing for a little while, skimming over her ex, who too was a mutual friends of theirs and went to McKinley. Finn and her had tried to survive the long distance relationship, but after a while it just got too...difficult, she stated. I remember her eyes wandering to a taller male that stood in the corner of the tent talking to a bald man, that I knew was Kurt's father. Finn was Kurt's step-brother, I knew, having met him a few times from group get-togethers in high school.

Then she quickly moved on, asking me questions about my relationship with the happy couple of the evening and the rest of the Warblers. I went into quick detail about my life from Dalton on. About how I had moved to California where Jeff and I attended UCLA, and eventually got an apartment together while working on our similar goals of hitting it big somehow.

I remembered how her eyes had brightened just a little, like something had flashed behind them with hope and she immediately pressed me for information on my talents and intended interests.

I just remember answering her with a laugh.

We had parted for most of the rest of the evening after our dance. The rest of the time I spent sitting with the guys at a long table where we all reminisced about how things had been in high school and how things were so much different now. Most of the evening I was reminded that things _weren't_ so different as everyone made them out to be whenever Jeff would nudge my shoulder or I caught his eyes with mine through laughter and smirks. Another part of the evening I spent thinking about Anna and, at times, Rachel.

She had called me only days later, knowing that I was still in New York visiting. Jeff and I were staying at Kurt and Blaine's, taking care of their house until they returned the following week from their honeymoon in Paris, as Blaine had promised _years_ ago. She had asked me if I wanted a tour of New York with her and she hooked me in when she said she'd take me out to lunch, her treat.

We spent the whole day walking the streets of New York. We talked about high school and college and what we wanted to do in the future. At times I hadn't noticed it. The way I had slid my phone out of my pocket to check the screen for missed messages from my counterpart who was currently still at the apartment with his comfortable clothes on and hitting up what little junk food was in the cabinet…When I was able to pull myself from the insistent nagging feeling at the back of my mind, I found her talking about, in all honesty, how _different _she was from her teenage self. "Leaving Lima had been the best thing," she said, "because then I wouldn't have become who I am today." And then she stared off for a moment, thoughts obviously elsewhere, until she smiled back up to me and nudged me in the arm. "_And _I wouldn't have met you."

I nodded and smiled back, thinking the same thing.

Kurt and Blaine had showed up about a week later, both glowing from their time in Paris and they spent a good two hours telling us, in detail, what they did and where they visited. They had been so happy when the judgment ruled for New York to legalize gay marriage. Even though Blaine and I hadn't really kept in touch over the years, I knew I had to congratulate them, and so I had called him and he gushed until I heard a door slam on his end. Kurt had arrived home and Blaine told me in a rush, "I gotta-." He hadn't even finished his sentence when he had hung up in eagerness.

Before we left, they asked us what we did. I remember telling them that Rachel had taken me out on the town, showing me around New York and only a day or two later Jeff and I had explored, telling him everything I could remember from Rachel's lesson.

I didn't notice it at the time, the look that they had given us, the brows that they had lifted in confusion as they looked from Jeff to me a few times. Finally, after nearly a half a minute in silence, Kurt had cleared his throat and somewhat smiled at me, or so it seemed at the time. "You went out… with _Rachel_?"

My hand found the back of my neck and I laughed. "Yeah, I mean...she said you guys talked about me at the reception and then she asked me to dance...and then she sorta...asked me out on a date the other day." I chuckled, looking at the floor between us, missing the looks they were casting at each other.

I had looked up at Jeff with a smile, expecting one in return. Instead my smirk slowly fell and my brows came together in worry and confusion. Jeff stood there without looking at anyone. His eyes hung low and his hair was covering half his features. I could only just make out the expressionless face he had on, arms hanging at his sides. I could tell that he was trying to make out his own thoughts. Like...he was confused, but he wasn't fully sure what he was confused about. Which detail of whatever he was thinking about was causing him that expression was getting to him more.

Nevertheless, I let it slide and we headed back to LA that evening.

The plane ride had been quite, to say the least.

Rachel and I stayed in touch, skyping, calling, and texting each other whenever we could in our free time. It seemed like the whole long distance relationship thing wasn't too hard to deal with...especially since we didn't have to deal with it for long.

Rachel ended up getting a small part in a television show in LA and she ended up moving there with us after only a few months of dating, sharing the apartment with both Jeff and I.

Months passed. Not much changed, though instead of staying in the spare bedroom Rachel _eventually_ moved in with me.

Soon after, Jeff moved out.

I tried to get him to do otherwise. I didn't understand his abruptness to get away so fast. I just remember getting home one day after an audition to where I found Jeff's things were almost all out of his room. I remember panicking, thoughts drifting toward eviction or a burglar, but instead in the moments that followed, the front door opened and closed, Jeff standing there with sweat poring down his face.

I turned to him then, cocking a brow in confusion and pointing to his room. "What the hell are doing?" My thoughts were everywhere. I didn't understand how this had happened. I had lived with Jeff for almost half my life at this point. I spent years worth of time in _our_ room. In our dorm. In our apartment. The thought of him _leaving _me…

Jeff had only shook his head. "I found an apartment downtown. Girl was looking for a roommate a while ago to kinda watch out for her and I volunteered."

He walked past me, toward his bedroom to grab the last box. I followed him. "What the hell are you talking about? You're moving out?"

Jeff entered the kitchen in front of me, setting down the box for a moment to grab something out of his pocket. "Yeah, I mean, that's what it looks like, doesn't it?"

The sound to his voice should have kicked me off. At the time I was so wrapped up in the idea that Jeff was leaving that I didn't take notice to slightest quiver to his bottom lip for the flaring of his nostrils or the way his Adam's apple bobbed up and down just before he spoke. I was too busy watching his eyes and searching out the true reason as to why this was happening. I stood there, completely in shock, blinking back what I can only remember as tears now. "Wh-" My hand came up to rub my face. "You mean...you're moving out...and you've known for a while?"

Jeff nodded stiffly toward me, then handed me a key. "H-Here's the one for the apartment, I… already turned in the key for the front door." He refused to look at me as he lifted the box and opened the door to make his way downstairs.

I had stared at the key for a long moment, not fully understanding what it meant when his fingers brushed mine to lay the piece of copper in my hand. There was the clatter of metal against the counter top as I threw the key to the side so I could follow his footsteps, not being able to make coherent sentences. "Y-you're just moving- You didn't _say_- When did you-" I sounded like an idiot to anyone that passed by, but I didn't care. Not one damn bit. My voice was broken and I was frowning and I just felt… _lost. _Jeff stuffed the last box in the car and I heard something escape him, but it barley registered on my radar of notice.

The car we had been so anxious to buy when we first moved out to LA. The one that we had bought together only a week into living here because they had discovered a cheap take out place downtown and refused to walk all the way there at two in the morning when we got our random food cravings and nothing was in the house. The rickety old car that I found myself stuck in nearly four blocks away and Jeff and I had ended up _pushing_ all the way back home one afternoon. The same car Jeff and I had laid on top of after a month of being here and just… talking about nothing out in the middle of no where.

It was when he was opening the door of the vehicle, when it hit me. I slammed my hand against the glass, preventing him from being able to open it all the way. My chest was heaving and I refused to look at him at first. Instead I watched our reflection in the glass as Jeff turned to look up at me and I continued to stare at the side of his contorted face. "You're just going to leave. Just like that." When he didn't say anything, I continued. "You were going to leave me without telling me you were going to move out…" I lifted my eyes, sad and confused and hurt that my friend of nine years would do this to me. "Without even _saying goodbye_?"

Jeff stood there for a moment, a frown, a, _expression_ finally appearing on his face. He looked up at me, finally meeting my eyes for the first in _months_. And it was painful. It made everything _hurt_. "Yes. I'm leaving. I didn't think it'd matter if I said goodbye or not. I thought it'd be easier this way." Jeff bit his lip and then smirked lowly, giving out a pitiful chuckle. "Things kind of backfired..."

I _knew_ he wasn't talking about me showing up. I fucking _knew _that he wasn't referring to the fact that he was moving out without word.

I _**knew**_ what he meant, but I didn't do anything. I didn't say _anything_ until he was halfway down the road and out of my eyesight, too mixed in with traffic for me to be able to make out his rear lights in the day light. The only thing I could think of at the moment was his name. I breathed it and looked back up at the window to our apartment, lost as to what to do.

And even then, if I had realized it. If I had pulled my head out of my ass and brought myself to finally _see_ it… it wouldn't have matter. It was already too late.

Months passed and during that time, my relationship grew seemingly stronger with Rachel as her career grew and mine started to flourish. When I wasn't working and we weren't on dates, I spent my time on the phone or the computer. I did _everything_ I could to get a hold of Jeff. I texted and called him and left him _pages _of e-mails. He didn't answer me once.

Things appeared to pass more rapidly when he wasn't there. The days strung together and half of the time, if it wasn't for my scheduled practices, I'd had no clue what day it was. Nights passed faster than I liked, instead of staying up late and playing video games until four in the morning, I started going to bed early with no one to compete against, only to wake up the next morning feeling as though I hadn't slept at all. The holidays were different. Instead of waking up to the smell of chocolate covered waffles and a few special presents under a crappy plastic Christmas tree, I woke up to Rachel's voice in my ear telling me to get proper for her fathers downstairs.

Valentines day was a bust. I had attempted a home cooked meal, but I had always been rotten at it and was use to Jeff making everything. He use to tell me that every now and then I had to eat something he made to even out all the junk food and the take out we got. So it wasn't a huge surprise when Rachel came back to the apartment only to find half my apron in shreds and all the windows open for venting out the smoke. She had laughed it off and told me to call take out and it wasn't a big deal.

And I remember thinking...It _was _a big deal. I had eaten nothing but junk food for the last week and all I wanted was a _real_ meal for the occasion...but I didn't press her. I knew that if I asked her to cook something instead she'd just give me a look and tell me she didn't feel like it.

Finally, a year had gone by since Jeff had moved out, and… I asked her.

I remember going to a local jewelry store and standing at the counter, completely lost as to what I was doing until a woman came to assist me. She kept asking me what I was looking for, what kind, what cut, what size, and I just had no idea...to any of it. I couldn't give her a single answer to any of them. I knew what color she liked. I knew what shape she preferred. I knew her size because I held her hand _all the time_...but, all in all, I _didn't _know. Instead I looked like an idiot and let the woman pick out a traditional ring that nearly every woman would have liked.

I asked her as I stood on one knee in front of the rest of her family, who had come to visit one weekend.

She had said yes.

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><p><em>Part Two Coming Soon~<em>


	2. Part Two

Author: CrazedHumor

Rated: T (for swearing)

Summary: I put it on her finger, expecting something...but it didn't fit...it had nothing to do with the size...It just didn't feel like how it was suppose to. It didn't feel like it looked like it did in the movies. Niff Nick's POV

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><p><strong>Not Like the Movies<strong>

_**Chapter Two**_

I remember nodding and bringing my hand up to her finger, and slowly slipping the ring on and waiting for it. I waited for _it_ to happen.

Nothing came. I stood and gave her a hug and laughed into her hair, smiling for her parents that only stood feet from us...

I waited for fireworks. I waited for the world stop and all the sounds around us to disappear. I waited for my head to get dizzy and my body to buzz with anticipation. I waited for my heart to burst against my ribcage. I waited for the moment when I would have to catch my breath.

I waited for that _feeling _to appear.

I waited for _it_.

I was disappointed.

I thought this would do it. For months I had been walking on eggshells, trying to figure out what was wrong with _everything_. Whenever she'd hold my hand I'd smile down at her and kiss her on the forehead waiting for something to happen that made me feel like I was cherishing every look she game me. Whenever we cuddled together on the couch and her head would rest on my shoulder, I would delicately move her hair to the side of her face, hoping that I'd take the moment to just revel in everything, and instead I would look quickly back at the screen to catch whatever what was on. Whenever we'd go out to coffee and sit in the booth, knowing that all the men around us were staring in appreciation, I didn't have a care in the world about them...only...it wasn't because I knew she didn't care or notice them. It was because _I _simply didn't care.

Instead, whenever I did _feel_, my thoughts were on my best friend. That I hadn't talked to in months.

I'd never felt so alone.

The house seemed... empty. It no longer felt like a home and instead an entrapment, built to house but not to _live_. The floors were dirty and I felt grain rub and cling to the bottom of my feet with every stiff step. The couch and chairs were cold and the cushions didn't fit around me like they once had. The walls were bare and pale and reminded me of a ridged hospital. Much like the one I use to go to with Jeff every day after school when his mom got sick...

Since I had first met him, we had never gone longer than a few days without talking to each other. I was use to phone calls, texts.. any sign of life from him that told me that he was okay if we were away from each other for more than a day and, at times, hours. There was even a summer when he Jeff went to summer camp only an hour or so away for a month and he wrote me letters about what he had done each day and that he was looking forward to coming home. He even wrote me at just the right time so that when the letter arrived a day or so later, Jeff showed up on my doorstep with a smile on his face after I had read, at the bottom of the letter, scribbled in small messy letters, '_Did ya miss me?'_

Of course I had. He was my best friend. I shared every secret with him that I had ever come across or created. I went through all the awkward stages, like when we first discovered what masturbation was and had to go through "the talk." Two of them. With both of our parents. I had held his hand through the rough times, as he did mine. We laughed at each other's stupid jokes and teased one another on the most ridiculous and tiny flaws, bickering ending up wrestling on the floor until he both couldn't breathe from laughter. We pushed each other to the limits.

I felt my heart break when I found the movies a few weeks after the engagement. I had forgotten about them after years of the collection collecting dust in a container in my closet. For long moments I sat and stared at the cassettes, the labels were old and wearing off at the corners. Stains of dirt and grease from the many hands that had held them tinted the white around the dark words that Jeff and I had written on them over the years. Finally I stood, fingers shaking for some reason, as I slid the black tapes into the player and moved to sit on the couch.

For a moment I almost panicked. Nothing came on but black and white static, sound hissing through the empty and dark apartment. I thought they had been erased or at least taped over. The thought made my stomach clench and caused me to bite my lip harshly until there was a stinging at the back of my eyes at the possibility that our memories had been erased.

Finally, after a long breath was held, the camera came on, showing the hardwood floors of my current apartment and a pair of shoes I had insisted Jeff get rid of a few months after the move. Then the camera swung up, showing our apartment.

"_This is it." There's a chuckle off screen and the living room is scanned, along with the kitchen. The sink is shown and a hand reaches out to turn the faucet on and off a few times. "Things seem to be in working order..." Suddenly a tank comes into view and the bottom of it is shown through the glass. "This is our new apartment Sonic, what do you think?" The hedgehog sniffs the glass in his way and then scurries from view to hide from one the objects that had been placed in his tank. "Looks like he's enjoying things..."_

_The sight backs away, flashing a view of the long hallway that leads to the bathroom and two of the bedrooms before turning back toward the rest of the living room._

_"First day in L.A! Woo!" The couch comes into view, showing a pair of feet hanging off one end. "Nicky!" Jeff's voice intensifies in enthusiasm._

_Nick bounces on the couch, hand over his eyes. Jeff lands on Nick's stomach, taking a seat as Nick groans and throws his hands up to his chest. "Ugh, dude." Though his voice sounds unpleasant, Nick's face is full of smiles and laughs that escape him as Jeff gets comfortable. _

_Jeff chuckles and the camera zooms in on Nick's face. His voice suddenly turns deep. "So, Mr. Duval, please tell us your thoughts on this transition? How is your first day in L.A. going thus far? Are you tired? Do you miss home already?"_

_Nick's arms find their way behind his head as he stares up at the ceiling. "My first day? Awesome. Tired? Hell yes. Miss home?" His eyes wanders off until he finally looks at the camera. "Nah, why would I have to miss home when I got my best friend with me?" _

_Off camera Jeff smacks his tongue to the roof of his mouth. "Aww...that's so sweet Nicky! Look at you, being all sentimental." The sight becomes that of a mix between chocolate colored hair and the couch until there is a resounding 'thump' and the couch, floor, and ceiling quickly spin in view. Everything turns still, view now tilted on it's side where Jeff and Nick lay in a heap on the floor. _

_"Now look what you did!" Nick laughs. _

_Jeff smiles and sits up somewhat awkwardly on Nick's stomach. "Dude that was totally not my fault. All you."_

_"Um, I specifically remember **you **attacking **me**."_

_"Not like you care. You love the attention." Jeff hugs him and smirks away from Nick who rolls his eyes._

_"So you say." _

**My heart had been beating so fucking hard and had been worried that Jeff could feel it against his chest.**

After a few more jokes the tape ended, but not before I saw the look on Jeff's and my past self's face as I picked up the camera to inspect it for damages. We looked so completely...happy. We looked like we didn't have a care in the world other than what was happening in that moment. Between feelings in my stomach and the hammering of my heart in my chest, I found myself missing out on more than was implied. It was so long ago...

"I see you found it."

I spun to find Rachel standing in the middle of the room with her hands twisted in front of her. A small smile was plaguing her face.

"I found it."

She nodded and walked around the couch to sit next to me. "I put it in there so that when you'd clean the closet, you'd find it."

I stared at the frame I had paused it on of Jeff and I. "You _wanted _me to find it?" I didn't look at her.

"You miss him."

I did.

"More than you miss your family."

I...did.

"More than you would miss me if I left."

I opened my mouth to protest, worry bubbling in my chest. "Rachel, I-"

She smiled and patted my knee. "I know. It just...it turns out I go for the wrong type of guys." She played with the ring still on her finger. "And the ones that are right, I can't seem to hold onto."

We sat there in silence. Partly this was because I didn't know what to say and partly because I knew she wanted to continue.

"Did you know that Finn and I were engaged?"

_Not all. _"No...I thought you said you guys just went out for a long time."

She smiled. "We did...We dated for four years, but we were also engaged for a full year before we broke up..."

I sat back. "Can I ask what happened?"

She looked up at me through her lashes. "I made a choice. He said that I needed to get my priorities in check. There were weekends that we had planned to see each other. He would come up for a week and stay with me, though I hardly saw him and then the weekend would come around and...things would come up." She stared at her lap. "There were parties and meetings I decided to attend because I was told that someone was there I had to talk to or get to know in order to get my name out there. I basically put him on the back burner and made him feel like he was less important." She shook her head just enough so that I could see the tears that were starting to spill. "I didn't think he was. I just thought, at the time, I was doing what was best. I needed to make a name for myself and I was willing to sacrifice a few weekends with him to do it...he wasn't. So, he broke up with me."

"Rach-"

"It was the _worst_ mistake I have every made in my life," she hurried on. "I chose one thing because I thought at the time it was right, without looking at the big picture. I had the rest of my life to become a star, but I only had so many chances with Finn." She looked away from us, shifting in her seat. "And then he called me a while ago, having heard about our engagement."

I nodded, not knowing what else to do.

I was tempted to look up. To watch her face as she said it because in the back of my head I _knew_. Somewhere in my mind I was fully aware of what had been happening, but I was so desperate to hold on to something I thought I believed in that I refused to see anything outside what I wanted to see. It still hurt. As soon as the words slipped from her mouth, I wanted to distance myself. I wanted take a shower and rid myself of the memories of out times together, I just wanted to get _out_. But... it wasn't for the reasons it should have been for.

It should have been because I was in love with this person. It should have been because I couldn't believe that someone that meant so much to me would betray me in such a horrible way. It should have been because I wanted things to work out, because I wanted _us_. Instead... it was simply about trust. I had put so much time and effort into our relationship and it seemed meaningless to her. It seemed like it had been worth nothing at all.

It was because I didn't care about her like I was suppose to.

I didn't care for her _nearly_ as much as I thought I had.

This hurt was nothing in comparison to watching my _best_ friend walk out on me.

"I've been seeing him for some time now... He's been coming up to see me on weekends and I've gone back to see him too. On more than one occasion."

I clenched my jaw and my hands twisted in my lap. It was hard to hear it, to find the words echoing in my ears from the person I had given nearly everything to to have turned their back so fully on me.

"I-I really have no excuse. I know what it's like to be cheated on and I did it anyway." There was a pause in her voice and then, out of _any_ of the reactions she could have given, a light chuckle. "And then I found your videos. I watched them...and I felt like such an _idiot._"

I felt the couch shake slightly underneath me and instead of finding her crying, she was laughing.

"I...I can't believe I didn't _see _it. All the signs, I've done it...I've _seen _them before." She wiped the wetness from her face and smiled slightly at her hand. Then she took the ring I had given her and slowly slid it off her finger to place it in my hand. "This is for you. I hope you can get some money back for it."

She stood, straightening her dress and smiling down at me. "I'm moving back to Lima in a few days. I suggest you start looking for a roommate again. You'll never be able to pay for this alone."

And then she was gone.

Three days later she did exactly what she said she was going to do and I was left alone in the apartment.

I felt that with her departure I should have felt something. Like there was a piece of me leaving with her, or even just a smudge of feeling that I had toward her would hurt. I thought, for a moment, that maybe I had been feeling _it _all along. That maybe I just hadn't realized it because my brain had become so riddled in other things that was happening in my life that they had been completely overlooking what was already there. Instead, even as she stepped through the door frame and shut the door behind her, I felt nothing.

I felt like nothing had changed.

It seemed that I hadn't felt _it_ at all.

The night she left, I stay up until the next morning watching the home movies that Jeff and I had made over the years. From one my mother had made of us graduating middle school to the one Jeff made of us graduating high school.

Every single one of them both of us where in. We were happy. Each of us were always cracking jokes and smiling throughout the films. Occasionally we'd be playfully fighting whether it was on the floor or on the Dalton yard with water guns with the rest of the troop. Sometimes there were Christmas decorations or fireworks going off in the background.

I started noticing it three movies in.

Whenever Jeff was holding the camera, it was almost always pointed at myself. It didn't matter if my back was turned or if I was so far off in the distance you couldn't make out my face, I was usually the one on screen. Sometimes, when people called his name, Jeff would bring someone else in frame, but otherwise it was painfully obvious that his total attention was on me...even if mine wasn't on him.

Then I reached a fourth of July celebration I had forgotten that had taken place the summer after all of us had graduated.

We were sitting in a large group, lawn chairs sprawled across the front of Wes's lawn...

_"I told you we should have brought the bottle rockets."_

_Nick laughs, "Dude, the last time we used our own, you couldn't open or close your hands for two weeks." He sits next Jeff, squinting at the camera light, holding up a hand to shield the offending brightness, with narrowed eyes and a smile._

_"It was totally worth it. The look on David's face after his pillow blew up? Priceless." The view shakes from Jeff's laughter. _

_Nick looks away from him and off into the distance where the fireworks are going off. "Seriously, though. Don't do stupid stuff like that when I'm not around, alright?" _

_"Why? So you can take all the glory?" There's teasing in the tone of Jeff's voice._

_Nick looks back at the camera, face laxed and brows together. "No. So, I can make sure you're safe." His hand reaches out of the view of the camera, landing somewhere on Jeff's knee so that he could shake it and coax Jeff's gaze back at the show in front of them. _

**The sparks I felt when I placed my hand on his knee and given him a squeeze and I _saw_ the look on his face.**

The junior dance...

_"It's not that bad. It could have been worse. It's not like she's a complete whore and hooked up with some other guy in the girls room." Nick zooms in on Jeff's face._

_Jeff nods, sitting on the sit of the men's restroom, swinging his legs slowly underneath him. His dark suit bunches at his knees and his buttons tighten as he leans forward to rest on his hands against the edge of his counter. "Yeah, I mean...I didn't even wanna come here in the first place..." He looks up pointedly. "But **someone **insisted that I tell her yes."_

_Nick's hand flashes in the corner of the frame, as if it's coming up to his chest. There's a gasp. "Are you suggesting this is all my fault? I told you'd I'd be __**happy**__to be your date, but," he sighs dramatically and Nick can be seen with his hand to his forehead, head whipped back. "You turned me down. And now I'm nothing but a pathetic loser. Dateless to the biggest event of our __**lives**__." The laughing stops and Nick walks over to Jeff, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Seriously, though. It's not a big deal. I think we should just let her be. She wouldn't even tell me what she got so worked up about...she just said you wouldn't pay attention to her..."_

_There's a pause and the camera catches half of Nick's face as he stares at Jeff, eyes halfway hidden with a small smile on his face. "Come on, man. I've been savin' a dance." No doubt there's an unmistakable wink that Nick gives Jeff and he nudges the blonde on his shoulder. "Saved all my best moves for you."_

_Jeff's face cracks into a lopsided smile and he glances up at Nick through his lashes, nodding slowly._

**It felt like no one else was around for miles and it was just us talking and everyone outside of the doors didn't matter.**

Packing to leave...

_Jeff's room is a disaster area. Boxes lie in every corner of the room. The camera scans a pile of clothes forgotten in a heap on the floor. The desk seems to be cleared, pieces of tape and sticky remains of food left behind._

_"How are you packing anything when you can't find anything?" Nick's hand comes into view, picking up a few blankets, finding old Disney toys lying underneath it. _

_There's a sound from behind and footsteps against hard wood until they stop next to the brunette in front of his closet. "It's easier to just shove some of it into boxes anyway, I can sort them when we get there." The view turns to show Jeff's old Woody doll being lifted into the air and held. "Look. I haven't seen this since middle school."_

_Nick's hands reach out and gently take it from his hands. "Yeah...I remember I gave it to you when mom and dad split..." His voice trails off, coming out softly once he finds it again. "I-I told you to keep him just in case they made me pick a place to keep him." He shakes his head and mutters to himself, "...so stupid..."_

_Jeff's hand reaches out to touch his shoulder but stops just before he does, slowly retracting it before Nick smiles back up at the camera and notices. _

_"Thanks for taking care of him." _

**I had held it in, waiting for some kind of sign from him until I needed to catch my breath from the look he had given me. **

As the final tape ended, I could feel my shoulders shake. There was a moment where I knew I should just get up, turn the tv off, go to bed, do _something_... but I couldn't move. So many memories were sweeping across my brain. So many thoughts that had been oppressed over the years were now coming at me at full speed. So many things I had _wanted_, so many things that had been _screaming_ at me, were now in my face. They were shouting at me that I had been oblivious the whole time. That I had kept every thought I had that was remotely _anything_ other than Jeff being my friend, my very best friend at the back of my head, unbelieving of the thought that Jeff could possibly be attracted to me.

Or I to him.

I dropped the remote as the screen turned from the blank blackness to the static that flicked light against me and the darkened room. My mind was going haywire and I felt my insides ripping, remembering that I hadn't _talked_ to him in almost a _year_. That I'd missed out on everything. That I'd given it all up because I couldn't come to terms with myself. With us. That I had used another person, many different people, as a cover and decoy to not think about the things I had been feeling the _whole_ time.

_I want to keep you safe. I don't want you to get hurt. I can't let you get hurt when you mean so much to me._

_I want to take you to the dance because I want to be myself with you. I want to spend the night talking and dancing with you. _

_I trust you. More than anyone, I trust you, Jeffster. With my most prized possessions... and with me._

_It doesn't matter where I am as long as you're there. I don't care where I go as long as you go with me. I go where you go._

_**You** are my home._

I sighed into my hands. I was a complete idiot. I knew. I _knew_ I knew. I was completely aware of it the whole time and I didn't do anything about it because I thought I could just _pretend_ and it would go away and I wouldn't have to change anything from what we were before.

I was angry. I hated myself. I left the apartment, too pissed off to just sit and think about everything. To hurt to care about anything around me other than the thoughts that were streaming through my mind.

I started to run.

Thankfully, it was unusually muggy. Enough so that I wouldn't need a coat, but too hot that I was only about a block away from my apartment when my shirt began to cling to my skin. I could practically taste the wetness in the air, leaving behind a thick paste in my mouth. My arms and legs worked furiously, taking me forward without my conscious knowledge of just where I was heading. I didn't know where I was going. I didn't know if there was even a time when I was going to stop, but I just needed to _move_, to get away from it, to _think_. I wanted to hear the wing hit across my ears and all other sounds to disappear. I wanted to forget for a moment everything I had done without taking responsibility for my actions.

_How did I know that Jeff liked me? How long had I been returning those feelings without fully realizing what I was doing to him... to us._

I couldn't say it out loud yet, and I ran faster.

My lungs were burning. It was hard to breathe through the thick air and my legs were screaming at me to stop, turn around, slow down, do _anything_ that didn't involve moving at this pace. My heart was crashing against my ribs in a way that only happened whenever I was...

_Damn. I was such an idiot... I ruined... **everything**._

As soon as I entered the park, I knew something was going to happen.

I was running faster than I had before I entered the greenery until I was... standing in front of him.

My fist came out and before I knew it, it hit his cheek and he was groaning.

"What the hell!" Jeff screamed, holding the side of his face and staring up at me, eyes only widening when he realized who it was.

That didn't help.

He stood, brows together, and threw up his arms. "I haven't seen you in a year and the first thing you do is fucking _punch _me?" He rubbed his jaw. "Wow, man. I never knew you were so soft."

"Shut up." I knew I shouldn't have said that. I wasn't in the position to tell him to do _anything_ and... It wasn't really the first thing I wanted to say to him after a year of being apart. At the time I couldn't think, though. All I could see in front of me was Jeff and the feelings that I had been keeping at bay were suddenly boiling in my chest, ready to burst out.. "I don't wanna hear it." I swung my arm out and then rubbed the knuckles that I had used to bruise my best friend's face. "Can I even call you that anymore," I muttered to myself. I turned away from him, half expecting him to be gone when I turned back around. But he wasn't. He was standing there, frowning at me with the what looked like the most tired eyes I had ever seen.

"Look, I don't even know what you're talking about. I have shit to do in the morning and Lacy's probably wondering were I am-" He half turned to leave, but I interrupted him.

"Lacy your girlfriend?"

It slipped from me before I could stop myself.

He stopped mid step and turned to me, hands finding his pockets, though he didn't glance back. "No. I just live with her. We share an apartment, not beds." He half turned, the side of his face in view as though he were about to say something, but then he stopped himself. He chuckled darkly and his eyes were suddenly hidden from my view. "Huh. That seems to be the case a lot."

I shook myself. Suddenly the outgoing flirting that Jeff and I had use to have with me were stale and cold. The images stung. Remembering how long we had roomed together. How much it had meant to both of us for completely different reasons. For me... it had always been about security. My best friend. Right hand man. I trusted the blonde completely. And for Jeff... it had been all those things and _more. _It had been his way of holding on. Keeping me within his reach. To have me without... actually having me.

I didn't know what to say. I stood there speechless, shuffling from one foot to another. Silence surrounded us. I had never known what it was like to have silence with Jeff. Sure, we use to sit for hours and not say anything. We use to go all night catching up on weeks of piled on homework that we put off until last minute, but not thing had ever _hung in the air_. It had always been light. Easy. We didn't need to say anything to get something across to one another. And now... everything felt _heavy_. It felt like space was closing around on me, suffocating me in this endless sea of confusion and disappointment in myself. Here I was... a _year_ the longest I had ever been apart from Jeff, my best friend... my other half... and things were just so surreal. I didn't know how to cope. It'd never been like this before.

And everything just _hurt._

My eyes finally lifted and I was _drowning_. They took it all in. Jeff looked tired. His face had fallen, no longer the bright personality that had once covered his features could be seen, but a look of exhaustion. There were circles under his eyes and his hair was unruly, as though he hadn't picked up a brush in almost as long as I had seen him. His clothes were distraught under his coat, not clean and crisp they I had been use to seeing. It looked like he just didn't _care_ anymore. The dreary darkness that was slowly surrounding us wasn't helping and I nearly jumped as the silence was penetrated with a crash of thunder ahead.

I couldn't look away, not from his face. Not after so long. My voice was somewhat raspy and frantic, eager to hear his reasoning, if not only to keep him talking, to hear his voice again. "Why didn't you _say _anything?" I had no right to question his motives. Had no right to say _anything_ to be honest, but my curiosity was so overwhelming and my need to hear his voice was so great that I couldn't help myself. "Why didn't you _tell_ me?"

Jeff stared at me for a long while. His eyes half hooded and brows together as he painfully watched me. He knew that I knew... at least now. He knew that now was the time to act, whether we were both ready for it or not.

His voice was weak and broken and I could tell it was taking everything to keep standing tall in front of me, though I didn't fully understand why. "Did it need saying?" The way his mouth hung open for seconds after left me swallowing the lump in my throat. "Did I really need to say _anything_ to make it more obvious?"

I heard it first. There were small pangs of sound against the tree leaves and then slowly I felt each cool drop hit against my skin, though that had no affect on my decision to not move from my spot. Gently the rain started falling, pooling at my feet and seeping into my clothing. I watched as Jeff didn't react either. He simply stood there, hair becoming weighed down until it fell in his face somewhat.

There was a brief moment when I remember how many times I had reached out to brush it away from his eyes without thinking, the electricity running up my arm...

"And when the hell was the right time?"

I blinked away the memories to find Jeff desperately searching my own eyes.

"Between _every _one of your girlfriends was I suppose to find the time to tell you how I felt about you?" Jeff clenched his jaw and his hand came up to point at me. "Was I suppose to ruin... _everything_ on the off chance that _maybe_ you felt an _ounce_ of the way I feel about you?" He licked his lips and his hand fell to his side to hang loosely, seemingly without energy to keep it stiff. "You _had _to have known. You _had_ to."

I had. Somewhere, I had. I can still remember those times I use to catch Jeff looking at me in just this _way_ that let me smiling wider than I ever thought I could. I remember endless nights where we'd lay on one of our beds and talk about everything and nothing at the same time. I remember holding him against me for moments longer than necessarily, closing my eyes to keep that feeling intact, feeling him do the same. There were moments when he had gone completely out of his way to take care of me, sleepless nights after one too many drinks or just _listening_ to me when the absolute worse had occurred.

He was my Six.

I was his Three.

Nothing could prepare me fore the way it felt when he said it.

The words were rushed, as though he needed to get them out before he could stop them. His lips had somewhat quivered before he said it and he had taken the smallest of steps toward me, expression exposed and desperate.

"_I love you_." He took in a shaky breath as droplets fell down his face, dripping from his nose jaw and onto his chest as rain continued to pour down around us. In those moments he looked so broken. So torn down from everything that had built up. He was the one that wanted answers. He was the one that needed the explanation. "How could you _possibly _not know that I'm in love with you?"

I was rooted to the spot, unable to move, to breathe, for fear of losing _it_.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:**_ Next chapter will be the final chapter. It'll be in Jeff's POV, I believe, and will be posted... well. I'm not making promises, because we all know I suck at keeping them. :l Also... I believe the rating will be changed in the next chapter... just ~saying.

I'm so fucking close to being done with the third (2) chapter of Getting Attached. I know you all hate me for not updating it in so damn long, but my muses went to sleep and they just woke up a few days ago. Things should tie up very shortly.

Let me know your ~feelings.

Niffle on.


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